I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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