Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
