Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
