They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
