I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We left the knife in your bed.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
