walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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