Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
