I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
