He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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