I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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