4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
