1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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