At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
