I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize