so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
