I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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