Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
