her vagine was all disorganized.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
