I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
