I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All the doctor said was why
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize