No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
