Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
