two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
