I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize