listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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