I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
