My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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