last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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