i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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