Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
