Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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