Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
