So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
false alarm, still single
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