i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
