just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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