he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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