Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
