just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
