those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize