i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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