Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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