How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
