I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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