Kiss
Puke
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
