another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
