so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
