I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize