He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
