She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
