I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
