I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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