Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
a search helicopter?!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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