my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Floor bacon is actually really good
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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