So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
