I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish you could order shots online.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
