I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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