I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
