Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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