Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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