I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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