Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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