Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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