epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
