dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize