I got chris browned last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
